I have been in deep retrospect since my trip to Lake Placid. As I do more often these days, I have contemplated hanging up the pads for good. I'm short, which hurts my ability to cover the net and made me rely more and more on reaction and reflexes, which have also diminished as I have gotten older. I play so infrequently lately, due to schedules and money woes, that it's not fair to the team I play for, when I actually do play.

That's been heavy on my mind, especially the last part, since Placid. If I can't give my team a chance to win, why do I play? Then I look back and again realize its not how I play, but who I play with. I have a good set of guys, that support me no matter how poorly we play. Willing to say "I should have had him" or 'That's on me" even when its clearly my fault.

As I said in my last post, I am my own toughest critic, second only to my father. I can find fault in every game, and it weighs on my mind that I haven't had a shut out since 1994, in summer league. I remember everything about it, a 6-0 Shut out I was on the Black team and we shut out the Gold team, who was backstopped by Spencer Jones. I haven't had a game that memorable, or an achievement that elusive since. I remember my first College game, I was put it to replace Tim Mahon down in Seton Hall in a 10-6 win. Then there was my first start, a 5-0 loss to Ryder college in which I had the save of my life. Even, the second start against URI we lost 6-1, but URI had outscored us by 12 the previous 2 meetings. However now memory has been as clear or as hard to recapture as my perfect day.

I've learned to play "older". I am more patient and stand up more. I play my angles and am not a foolishly aggressive as I used to be, but the spark is still there and I want to rekindle the fire again. I need a steady place to play and hopefully give me a chance to chase 1 more perfect day.